Bob Franken

King Features Column

(As always Tge deal with the syndicator means this column appears here a week after its newspaper release)

       CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
       FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, MAY 29, 2012
       COW PIES
       It is a highlight of the campaign: President Barack Obama, in Iowa getting in touch with his inner farmer and ridiculing Mitt Romney’s “cow pies of distortion.” Or is it a lowlight?
       Whatever, it obviously appeals to my inner immaturity. So much so, I am recommending to one of those fact-checking columns that keep track of the half-truths and outright lies on both sides that they rate them on a scale of one to four “cow pies.”
       It’s a polite version of that word we so often associate with politicians, and it’s amazing to see how there are so many in modern times continuously depositing their methane patties. The ongoing “Birther” movement is a genuine diaper-filler.
       Mitt’s BFF Donald Trump has decades of experience dropping his waste onto all aspects of our society. Somehow, it always seems to fertilize a career that is built totally on hot, foul air. So as he latches on to the campaign once again to milk it for all the PR he can, of course he would be the one to raise questions about Barack Obama’s true birthplace.
       For the cheesiest of “Big Lie” practitioners, meaning The Donald, it doesn’t matter how discredited the issue is. In this case, he’s citing a long-ago book proposal that listed Mr. Obama’s birthplace as Kenya. The editor who wrote it insists it was a “fact-checking error,” but it continues to be another Trump dump on the intelligence of the voters.
       Unfortunately, too many of those voters don’t have all that much intelligence. All they know is that they’re looking for some way to express their Obama hostility without facing the real reason for their hatred. Trump is happy to help.
       That way, Romney can stay removed from the fray and present himself as being above such distasteful tactics, while at the same time reaping the low-life benefits. If you believe he and his professional manipulators are innocent bystanders, there are some decrepit properties closed down by Bain Capital you might want to buy.

       If the Republicans continue to spew such cow pies about where Barack Hussein Obama was really born, it is only fair that Democrats demand proof of where the robotic Willard Mitt Romney was really manufactured. The real truth might explain a lot. His statement that “corporations are people” begs the question of whether he is people.
       Frankly, when you get up close to so many of these guys, from both parties, you realize their humanity is so well-hidden that it’s impossible to find. All you see is the preprogrammed automaton, spouting words that have been vetted by focus groups. Any resemblance to genuine thought is good acting.
       Meanwhile, the resemblance between Trump and any con man is entirely accurate. This guy is an amazing self-promoter. There is absolutely no reason to care about anything he says or does, but somehow we find him impossible to ignore. Never mind that he brings nothing to the table; he always gets a seat.
       We know it, but we still get sucked in by his shameless self-aggrandizement. We went bonkers, for example, when he dangled a run for the presidency just in time for TV ratings period. For that matter, the fact that he has a network show and that we watch it says a lot about us.
       He is never set back by his setbacks, which says a lot about him — good and bad. Good, because he has perseverance; bad, because he just won’t disappear. When some broadcaster nihilists (pardon the redundancy) planned a campaign debate hosted by him, most of the GOP candidates (most of them anyway) decided participating was beneath even them. Now, that’s low.
       But here he is, popping up again, demonstrating that he cannot be cowed. So, as we stroll through the campaign, a warning about all these grifters: Watch where you step.
       © 2012 Bob Franken
       Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

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