February 27, 2021

SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP

FROM KING FEATURES SYNDICATE
BY BOB FRANKEN

SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP

It’s time for me to eat a little crow. I’d say eat a little Snowflake, which is the name of Ted Cruz’s family dog, but that could start a cultural conversation that’s a distraction, and the point is difficult enough for me.
I reported that the Cruzes had left Snowflake alone in their freezing Houston house as they tried to escape to Cancun. They also left behind millions of Texans, Sen. Cruz’s constituents, suffering in their frigid homes with a lack of safe water due to burst pipes because the state’s electric utility failed.
In the case of Snowflake, I done him wrong. Because I didn’t check for myself, I didn’t get my facts straight. Adorable Snowflake was not being mistreated. Electricity and heat had returned by the time the Cruz brood flew the family coop. Additionally, he had a pet sitter. I say “he” because other media have identified the dog as a male but, personally, I haven’t looked. And won’t.
But I digress. I got the puppy-left-in-the-cold part of the story wrong. And for that, I’m sorry.
Speaking of apologizing, Ted Cruz has been telling every media interviewer who asks that the Cancun trip was “a mistake.” And for a while, wherever TV cameras went, there was Cruz, passing out food and water. Which begs the question, When does apologizing become groveling?
After a few days, Cruz has gotten his oleaginous mojo back to complain that it was “creepy” that a reporter had snapped a picture of Snowflake standing in the door, and “really creepy” that paparazzi got photos of his wife, Heidi, at the beach wearing a bikini.
My momma didn’t raise no objectifying fool, so there’s no way I’ll describe the money picture. Instead, I rely on her husband, who said, “Heidi is smoking hot.”
As for the calls for him to resign. Cruz brushed them off with, “We just need to laugh a little bit and loosen up,” which might strike some people as rank hypocrisy considering Sen. Ted Cruz’s style of pedal-to-the-metal politics. No shot is too cheap.

Continue reading "SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP" »

SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP

FROM KING FEATURES SYNDICATE
BY BOB FRANKEN

SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP

It’s time for me to eat a little crow. I’d say eat a little Snowflake, which is the name of Ted Cruz’s family dog, but that could start a cultural conversation that’s a distraction, and the point is difficult enough for me.
I reported that the Cruzes had left Snowflake alone in their freezing Houston house as they tried to escape to Cancun. They also left behind millions of Texans, Sen. Cruz’s constituents, suffering in their frigid homes with a lack of safe water due to burst pipes because the state’s electric utility failed.
In the case of Snowflake, I done him wrong. Because I didn’t check for myself, I didn’t get my facts straight. Adorable Snowflake was not being mistreated. Electricity and heat had returned by the time the Cruz brood flew the family coop. Additionally, he had a pet sitter. I say “he” because other media have identified the dog as a male but, personally, I haven’t looked. And won’t.
But I digress. I got the puppy-left-in-the-cold part of the story wrong. And for that, I’m sorry.
Speaking of apologizing, Ted Cruz has been telling every media interviewer who asks that the Cancun trip was “a mistake.” And for a while, wherever TV cameras went, there was Cruz, passing out food and water. Which begs the question, When does apologizing become groveling?
After a few days, Cruz has gotten his oleaginous mojo back to complain that it was “creepy” that a reporter had snapped a picture of Snowflake standing in the door, and “really creepy” that paparazzi got photos of his wife, Heidi, at the beach wearing a bikini.
My momma didn’t raise no objectifying fool, so there’s no way I’ll describe the money picture. Instead, I rely on her husband, who said, “Heidi is smoking hot.”
As for the calls for him to resign. Cruz brushed them off with, “We just need to laugh a little bit and loosen up,” which might strike some people as rank hypocrisy considering Sen. Ted Cruz’s style of pedal-to-the-metal politics. No shot is too cheap.

Continue reading "SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP" »

SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP

FROM KING FEATURES SYNDICATE
BY BOB FRANKEN

SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP

It’s time for me to eat a little crow. I’d say eat a little Snowflake, which is the name of Ted Cruz’s family dog, but that could start a cultural conversation that’s a distraction, and the point is difficult enough for me.
I reported that the Cruzes had left Snowflake alone in their freezing Houston house as they tried to escape to Cancun. They also left behind millions of Texans, Sen. Cruz’s constituents, suffering in their frigid homes with a lack of safe water due to burst pipes because the state’s electric utility failed.
In the case of Snowflake, I done him wrong. Because I didn’t check for myself, I didn’t get my facts straight. Adorable Snowflake was not being mistreated. Electricity and heat had returned by the time the Cruz brood flew the family coop. Additionally, he had a pet sitter. I say “he” because other media have identified the dog as a male but, personally, I haven’t looked. And won’t.
But I digress. I got the puppy-left-in-the-cold part of the story wrong. And for that, I’m sorry.
Speaking of apologizing, Ted Cruz has been telling every media interviewer who asks that the Cancun trip was “a mistake.” And for a while, wherever TV cameras went, there was Cruz, passing out food and water. Which begs the question, When does apologizing become groveling?
After a few days, Cruz has gotten his oleaginous mojo back to complain that it was “creepy” that a reporter had snapped a picture of Snowflake standing in the door, and “really creepy” that paparazzi got photos of his wife, Heidi, at the beach wearing a bikini.
My momma didn’t raise no objectifying fool, so there’s no way I’ll describe the money picture. Instead, I rely on her husband, who said, “Heidi is smoking hot.”
As for the calls for him to resign. Cruz brushed them off with, “We just need to laugh a little bit and loosen up,” which might strike some people as rank hypocrisy considering Sen. Ted Cruz’s style of pedal-to-the-metal politics. No shot is too cheap.

Continue reading "SNOWFLAKE SCREWUP" »

February 23, 2021

CRUZ CONTROL


FROM KING FEATURES SYNDICATE
BY BOB FRANKEN

CRUZ CONTROL

There’s a word for the great pleasure derived from someone else’s misfortune: schadenfreude. Ted Cruz, widely known as a royal pain, is once again winning the contest for schadenfreude poster boy. He is—well let’s call on his famous associates to describe him:
Former Speaker of the House John Boehner said Ted Cruz is “Lucifer in the flesh.” Boehner spit out those words sometime after freshman Sen. Cruz had pretty much singlehandedly caused the government shutdown in 2013 over his plan to get the White House to strip funding from Obamacare, despite leadership’s efforts to block that maneuver as “In your dream, rookie”. By the time that failure was over, Cruz had established a reputation as a backstabbing (even for Washington), smarmy (even for Washington), unlikable (ibid) political figure from braggadocio Texas. Lone star state swagger doesn’t help.
“I don’t like him,” said Bob Dole, who likes everybody.
And former Republican Congressman Peter King of New York, who has always maintained the New Yorkers’ approach to personality, said, “I’ll take cyanide if he ever got the nomination.”
There are actually two points here. First, Ted Cruz is running for president. He has before; he will again.
Second, Cruz wants to be despised. That’s the only explanation for his continuing exploits, the latest of which is Cancungate. More about that in a moment.
Apparently, he’s developed a master plan where the premise is that Americans will vote for someone they hate for being a snake, slithering against the political world, speaking with forked tongue, and overall playing the wretched villain. My nickname for him is “Snidely Whiplash.”
Which brings us to his Cancun adventure. Can I get away with describing the stunned reaction with a “WTF”?

Continue reading "CRUZ CONTROL" »



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