August 14, 2018

THE SLEAZE SQUEEZE

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, AUG. 14, 2018
---
( From your wretched writer:

Our story’s perverse
It keeps getting worse
So why not, time to time
Try to soften with rhyme
To describe our political curse)

THE SLEAZE QUEEZE


Robert Mueller continues his reeling
Donald Trump never ceases his squealing
Or whatever it is you do when you tweet
Walls relentlessly closing
While “fake news” keeps exposing
Stuff that might get him impeached.

And he’s angrily moanin’
For Manafort and Mike Cohen
Shouting stuff that’s not nice
It’s all a “hoax” and a “witch hunt”
Or worse a “political stunt”
Meanwhile Bob Mueller just tightens the vise.

And let’s not forget Stormy
All the other charges he’s smarmy
They, too, add to the squeeze
Lawsuits that charge defamation
Have also made their donation
To the image of Trump as a sleaze.

Continue reading "THE SLEAZE SQUEEZE" »

August 7, 2018

WITH APOLOGIES TO SEUSS' GRINCH

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, AUG. 7, 2018

WITH APOLOGIES TO SEUSS' GRINCH
---
(A note from your writer: So much of what happens these days in the political realm is utter nonsense. Why not tell it in verse? At least there will be rhyme with no reason.)

Every Who in Whomerica likes freedom a lot,
But the Trump who lives here in Washington, Does Not!
The Trump hates democracy, to the point of malfeasance.
Now please don’t ask why, we all know the reasons.
It could be his head isn’t screwed on just right,
It could be, perhaps, that his pants are too tight.
But I think the most likely reason may be
That he has a brain that’s the size of a pea.
Whatever the reason, his pants or his brain,
He manages to be a perennial pain.
He’s teamed up with his Russian friend Putin,
Although he insists that there was no collusion.
He fires angry tweets at many questioning Whos;
He lets fly with charges that they’re spreading “fake news.”
If he could he’d attack them, perhaps with an ax
Instead of relying on “alternative facts.”
He rages and rages to all he may face,
And riles up the yay-Whos who make up his base.

Continue reading "WITH APOLOGIES TO SEUSS' GRINCH" »

August 4, 2018

ISO A TWITTER ATTACK

ROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE FRIDAY, AUG. 3, 2018

ISO A TWITTER ATTACK
---
What I’m about to write is entirely self-centered, but hey, after a long career in TV news, I feel it's really all about me so I'm entitled. Not as entitled as most wealthy or otherwise “elite” people consider themselves to be, but ... let's move on: I will admit it: I have been humbled -- by Donald Trump.
Try as I might, week after week, column after column of “fake news” expressing unrelenting contempt for Trump, he has not once, not EVER, insulted me on Twitter. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, none of his thousands of vacuous tweets have recognized that I exist. No derogatory nicknames, no crushing descriptions of my intellect, honesty, virility, physical appearance or age; none of that. It is as if he overlooks the fact that I’m alive (like, say, Frederick Douglass) or that I had been even born here (unlike Barack Obama).
I feel like, to borrow a quote from one of his cyber tantrums, “Looking back on history, who was treated worse, Alfonse [sic] Capone, legendary mob boss, killer and ‘Public Enemy Number One’ ...” It’s true, he was pretending to show support for his accomplice Paul Manafort, but Manafort has nothing on me. At least he’s not being shunned by his old comrade. And before you point out that, unlike Manafort, I am not fighting charges that could mean I would be effectively in prison for the rest of my life, I ask you: What kind of life is it if one is shunned by Trump? I’m so anonymous that I need an ID card to grocery shop. I have been walled off, and I’m not even an immigrant. This is cruel and unusual punishment. As a reminder, Mr. President, that’s prohibited in the Constitution -- you know, the one you pledged to “preserve, protect and defend”? Of course, your oath also specified that you’d do that to the “best of my ability,” which is a huge loophole; your obvious lack of constitutional comprehension impairs your “ability.”

Continue reading "ISO A TWITTER ATTACK" »

July 31, 2018

MEDIA ACTION PLAN

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, JULY 31, 2018

MEDIA ACTION PLAN
---
Enough is enough. The time has come for the media to reclaim our role and aggressively cover the Trump administration without fear. We must disregard the constant bullying by him and his accessories after the “alternative facts;” aka flunkies, aka stooges. You expected subtlety? The time for that is long gone.
The new stooge on the block is Bill Shine, forced out as a top dog at Fox News after lawsuits charged him with enabling all of Roger Ailes’ alleged sexual outrages. That would immediately endear him to Donald Trump, and sure enough, now he’s the new White House Communications Director, where he’s taken his obvious talent for managing up by becoming the Don’s latest enforcer. Until Shine, the president’s desire to browbeat those who cover the White House was softened by cooler heads. But now that Shine is on the case, the crackdown has intensified.
The latest victim is CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins. After POTUS raged at Collins’ routinely impertinent questions at a photo-op, Shine banned her from covering an open press event later in the day. That followed his chewing her out in his office. Apparently, Collins handled the meeting in a classy way, which means she’s way more mature than I am (it’s difficult not to be). Suffice it to say, if Shine had done the same with me, it would have been a short meeting.

Continue reading "MEDIA ACTION PLAN" »



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