October 10, 2017

OF STORMS AND MORONS

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FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, OCT. 10, 2017
BY BOB FRANKEN
OF STORMS AND MORONS
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Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reportedly called his boss, President Donald Trump, a “moron,” but we are the real morons -- certainly those in Washington, D.C., who allow Trump to so easily mess with our minds.
He’s at it again by calling in media types for a photo op at a White House dinner he was hosting for his seniormost generals and their spouses. It looked purely social, just a group picture for souvenirs. That is, until the Trumpster threw out this little bit of provocation: “You guys know what this represents? Maybe it’s the calm before the storm.”
Whoa! What did he mean by “the storm”?
Good journalists that the White House pool reporters are, they asked that very question. Repeatedly. And repeatedly he refused to explain himself, brushing off requests for an explanation with a cagey “You’ll see.”
When the commander in chief starts talking about a “storm” in a room full of generals, “You’ll see” is just not going to cut it. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the spokesperson whose job it is to keep White House correspondents in the dark, was her usual helpful self, which is to say not helpful at all. Of course, that led to the obvious question: Was the chief executive simply messing with the press? “I wouldn’t say that he’s messing with the press,” she said, which means he definitely was messing with the press.
He’s been known to do that. In fact, it’s nonstop. He’s made “Fake news” his contemptuous go-to dismissal of any story that doesn’t praise him to the high heavens. He also runs a never-ending guerrilla campaign against the media. His latest Twitter onslaught to leave us ink-stained wretches all atwitter, to say nothing of the hair-sprayed wretches on TV, was his tweet “Why Isn’t the Senate Intel Committee looking into the Fake News Networks in OUR country to see why so much of our news is just made up -- FAKE!”
Of course, that would be seriously unconstitutional. Presumably Trump is familiar with the Constitution, but it doesn’t matter. His base probably isn’t. Besides, Senate Intel is a bit preoccupied right now, investigating whether Trump and/or his campaign sold out the country’s election to Russian comrade Vladimir Putin.

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October 8, 2017

THE PLATITUDE AND DEFLECT STRATEGY

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
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FOR RELEASE FRIDAY, OCT. 6, 2017
BY BOB FRANKEN

THE PLATITUDE AND DEFLECT STRATEGY
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There are first responders -- men and women who are heroes who bravely swarm to the rescue whenever there’s a tragic emergency -- and then there’s the first response, by politicians who have nothing to add so they put out statements that invariably include the bromide that their “thoughts and prayers” are with the victims and their families. Admirable thought until we consider it has become a purely mechanical way of saying they have zero to say, that they’re concerned but impotent. At its worst, it is an excuse not to take meaningful action.
Then there’s the other cliche that’s currently in vogue. We hear it constantly after the massacre in Las Vegas by a heavily armed maniac who slaughtered or maimed hundreds of innocents who were simply having a good time; it’s some variation of “This is not the time to discuss politics” or “we’ll get to the gun-control discussion after the period of mourning.” It’s a favorite of government leaders who wish to deflect discussion about common-sense limits on the most insanely destructive killing machines. They have aligned themselves with the deadly arms industry’s lobbyists, the National Rifle Association and the rest, and have opposed any sort of controls on these weapons of mass destruction, like the ones in the arsenal of the Las Vegas monster. But what better time to talk about it?
In fact, Republicans and other arms merchant apologists are so spooked that they’re even saying they might “look into” making “bump stocks” illegal, which they’ve refused to do in the past. In case you’re not a homicidal weapon aficionado, a “bump stock” is a readily available add-on that can turn an already lethal semi-automatic assault rifle, where you have to pull the trigger each time you shoot someone, into a fully automatic one, where you literally don’t lift a finger as you spray mass murder around without exertion. Now even the NRA claims that it might support some sort of regulation on them. Of course, they didn’t say it would be meaningful regulation. At the same time, the GOP has discreetly put on hold legislation that would have made silencers legal so a shooter’s hearing isn’t imperiled. That’s truly the rationale advocates have given. So that’s what passes for progress, albeit minuscule. Or it could be that GOP leaders are simply hunkering down until after attention to this massacre is distracted.

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September 26, 2017

THE SPORTING STRIFE

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
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BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, SEPT. 26, 2017
BY BOB FRANKEN

THE SPORTING STRIFE
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I’m ending my National Football League boycott. My faithful readers, both of you, are aware that I have not been watching NFL games because the teams are blackballing quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick set off an uproar by refusing to stand for “The Star-Spangled Banner” as a protest against U.S racism and, specifically, deadly police brutality inflicted on minorities.
More players steadily have joined him, mainly by taking a knee when the national anthem plays. But they really took up the cause when President Donald Trump decided to pander to the crowd with some crude remarks at a rally in Alabama. In a subsequent rant on Twitter, he suggested an NFL boycott. That’s enough for me. Mine is over, even though Kaepernick, who is obviously more qualified than many other quarterbacks, still is being shunned by owners and coaches.
So POTUS decided he really, truly needed to dive into still another poop pile. He just can’t resist them, sort of like a dog rolling around in them -- except that dogs are wonderful, when they’re not rolling around in poop piles.
I don’t know why I’m using such polite language, considering that I must now issue a Profanity Alert to continue. That’s so you can cover the eyes of your kiddies, even though they constantly utter obscenities the moment you’re out of earshot. Ready? Quoth President Trump: “Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘get that son of a bitch off the field right now -- he’s fired.’”
I am so confused: Does the current president want us to stand for all anthems of his various supporters, and salute all their flags? There are so many. Besides “The Star-Spangled Banner” and the Stars and Stripes, there’s “Dixie” and the Stars and Bars. Must we show respect when his neo-Nazis fans goose-step while carrying their swastika symbols? And how about the hammer and sickle revered by his comrade, Vladimir Putin? (Excuse me, alleged comrade.) Yes, I know, that’s not the Russian flag anymore, but Putin clearly wants to return to the glory days. I wonder if he has considered a baseball hat with lettering that says: “Make the Soviet Union Great Again.” It would be red, of course. Oh, wait ...

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September 24, 2017

DOTARD AND ROCKET

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
FOR RELEASE FRIDAY, SEPT. 22, 2017
BY BOB FRANKEN

DOTARD AND ROCKET

Quick! What does Kim Jong Un have in common with Hillary Clinton, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, most journalists and so many Americans who have somehow crossed President Donald Trump? You already know the answer: Kim has officially joined the ranks of the D-4-Ts. He, too, is now a Donald Trump Trash Talk Target.
D-4-T is not to be confused with “deportee,” which is what the president and his rank’s rankest xenophobes want to make of every poor soul in the United States not born in the United States. No, these D-4-Ts are those who have achieved the singular honor of having a dishonorific attached to their names.
“Rocket Man” Kim now joins “Crooked Hillary,” “Lyin’ Ted,” “Little Marco” and the “Fake News Media,” along with a slew of others who have displeased Trump and become nicknamed recipients of Donnie’s Antagonistic Childish Attacks, better known as DACA. (You thought DACA stood for something else? You must be dreaming.)
Now, the North Koreans are no slouches when it comes to smack talk. Rocket Man fired his own ICBM (Insult Carrying Buffoonish Missile) aimed at Target Trump, calling him a “Mentally deranged U.S. dotard.” What followed was a spike in people searching for the definition of “dotard,” which means “senile old man.” Maybe Pyongyang is onto something.
As one might expect, particularly one who has been around children, the Dotard Son of Queens hurled his own playground taunt, calling the Rocket Man “obviously a madman.” Take THAT!
It would be huuuuugely entertaining to watch these juveniles, Rocket and Dotard, were it not for the fact that they’re playing on a nuclear schoolyard. Still, it’s just been a war of words. So far.
It’s scary to believe that the safety of humanity is in the hands of such hotheaded delinquents. Kim is finding out that Trump has been immature a lot longer than he has; Dotard Don has decades more experience at name-calling.

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